About Me
Today I live in the beautiful Blue Mountains with my three daughters, writing, teaching and studying; but most of all enjoying the fresh air and friendly mountains community….
I grew up on the Northern Beaches of Sydney with my mum and dad and two sisters, moving to the Bellinger Valley when I was half way through my first year of High School. I was a sensitive and intelligent teenager who observed all that went on around me; particularly with regard to human relationships.
I experienced heart breaking bullying, but was unable to defend myself as I was completely clueless about how to deal with conflict. My sisters and I had never really fought with each other on that level and the mental abuse was completely foreign to me. I made core decisions to win allies no matter what the cost, and academic achievement flew out the window.
Some of the girls I got to know behaved in very bizarre ways, operating from incredibly low levels of self esteem and lack of direction. I watched their struggles, and I thought a great deal about why things were the way they were, always trying to articulate in my mind what it all meant.
As I grew older increasing examples of unhappiness seemed to present themselves, through both the media and many new relationships which inevitably occur when you leave home and have an active social life. I tried to reconcile in my mind the great joy I felt in nature, music and my body which clashed with what I could see and sense around me.
I embarked on relationships passionately only to become really needy and clingy time after time. I watched the same phenomena occurring amongst many of my girlfriends, and watched with fascination the ones who seemed to have the self esteem to realize their were plenty of fresh partners out there, and move on in a classy manner.
However for most women I knew, from the manager at my company, to the lady next door and ended up in screaming fights with her partner every second night, there seemed to be an invisible wall for women which they inevitably crashed into, what did it all mean?
I thought marriage and children would propel me into a new era; however I seemed to keep getting into situations which were hurtful and frustrating; where I found obsessive behaviour such as binge drinking, eating and smoking the only release. Every year seem to present more draining traumas, and mental dilemmas that would leave me crying silently to myself on a regular basis.
At 32 with a sick husband, three daughters, a small government income and a run down home I knew I had to do something.
I read Life Strategies by Doctor Phil and decided to become a teacher, seeing this as the best solution somehow managed to complete a four year university degree while working, raising my three daughters and looking after a sick husband.
I attended numerous schools where we students (who were mostly working or stay at home mums like myself) would attend classes all day, then spend half the night talking about our lives. This was the source of some very valuable interaction which helped keep my sanity and further underpinned my interest in women’s issues, which are the focus of my continuing study.
After experiencing my first panic attack I read I don’t have to make everything all better by Gary and Joy Lundberg. I was getting Distinctions for my assignments but somehow the message in that book didn’t get through.
In the last two years of the degree I began to experience severe panic attacks. My world seemed to be falling apart; I was at a place I never dreamt I would arrive at physically mentally and emotionally.
All I could think about was my precious family, and especially my daughters; this was not the example I wanted to be showing them about how to live.
My marriage fell apart after 13 years, and I found myself lost and barely able to get through a single day.
But I made a decision; this madness which seemed to have overtaken my mind was going to be temporary. After months of struggle, and with the loving support of my parents and sisters I managed to wean myself off high doses of antidepressants (Zoloft) and valium, which I am extremely proud of.
Two years later I am at a place where I now feel very lucky and very happy. I look around me and feel so blessed, my world sparkles and shimmers. During this period and the many years which built up to it, I learned many valuable lessons. There were key moments where I made the wrong choices. Buckets of tears and heartbreak could have been avoided.This was a big part of my motivation in creating this site.
Of course pain, tears and mistakes are a necessary part of life and self growth, however I am talking about the additional trauma that we can live without. Joy, vitality, love and happiness are the birthright of every woman. Themes incorporated into this site are designed to help illuminate this fact.
Today although separated I am great friends with my husband and we are partners in the raising of our three girls. We don’t look back in anger; we realize that we were both not being authentic throughout the whole relationship and are able to move forward positively towards a happy future for ourselves as individuals and our children.
Separation doesn’t have to mean bitterness and hurt, it can mean a new beginning for both parties. It is also a wonderful opportunity to show your children that peace and reconciliation are very possible even in the most painful of circumstances.
The other day I met a young woman who told me her life story. It included physical abuse, substance abuse and a distinct lack of education and self esteem. If you saw her in the street you would never guess as she looks like a gorgeous, accomplished young woman.
Why does she not see for herself how beautiful and valuable she is?
My mission is to help women like her and many others to see how beautiful gorgeous and accomplished they are….NOW!!!
From my desk deep in the heart of the Blue Mountains I am so happy to study, work and write, raise my three girls and live a life of abundance and joy. I love the trees, the sky, the fresh mountain air, the friendly people, the Winter Magic festival, the great array of classes, events and activities that are available in this very special place.
My wish for you is that you will also find the peace joy and fulfillment you are seeking, and that we can all grow old together gracefully, happily and energetically, living our dreams, reaching our full potential and knowing that we have left a huge footprint of love on the planet.
